Scenes From A Marriage

I think only a misandric person could have formulated the customs in a South Indian marriage. How else can you explain the dhaare ceremony where the bride will be in a beautiful saree and the groom in a ridiculously translucent white kachche? The bride gets her hair beautifully styled and the groom gets a mysore peta to cover his receding hairline. Utmost attention is given to the bride's face for her to look divine, while all that the groom gets is two drishti bottu (to ward off the evil eye) placed with such precision that guarantees maximum possible pathetic looks! Trust me, every man finds his woman absolutely stunning in the wedding saree. But, I am yet to meet a woman who thought her husband looked mind blowing in that white kachche. Not just that, I spent the last week before marriage running from store to store searching for that elusive white underwear (you guessed it right, to go along with the translucent white kachche) while the wife (the then fiance) was shopping for her jewelry and taking tips from parlor aunty on how to look even more stunning.

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Feminists who scream hoarse about patriarchy and all that crap have no clue how men are actually discriminated in the society. Men just do the "I am the boss" act, but its the women who pull all the strings. Women in south india have this habit of gifting each other "blouse piece" during any religious or social occasion. Men usually get nothing, the lucky ones at the most get a kerchief. If you are in the closest family circles, the women get nice sarees when all you get is a lousy "shirt piece" (yes, the white shirt with blue stripes or brown checks) Researches have shown that the gift shirt pieces get redistributed 5 times more than gifted sarees.

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The most used phrase on the reception stage by friends/relatives is "Please bring him/her home sometime". Apart from "Happy married life" of course. I have already promised 1583 people that we, the newly wed couple would "definitely" visit their home. Even if we visit one family every weekend, I will almost be 60 by the time I fulfill my promise. By then, we will not be a newly wed couple though.

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"Remember me?" is the most tricky question, often asked by that over enthusiastic uncle on stage when you are already on the verge of collapsing due to dehydration and bright video recorder lights. "Hmm, yes uncle" and a sheepish smile works most of the times, while your mind is busy guessing if he is a distant cousin of dad, an old colleague of mom or someone who was supposed to be going to the wedding in the adjacent choultry. The even-more-enthusiastic uncles dont stop there, they come up with a "Tell me who I am". Seeing the name written on the gift cover from the corner of your eye helps sometimes (It can backfire too, if he is giving the gift on behalf of his aged father who could not attend the wedding) "I know uncle, but I dont know exactly how to tell it" is the safest, most innocent-looking and honest-but-not-rude answer.

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Sanskrit was my first language in high school and college. I understand it quite decently. But, I have no idea what all things I have promised to the poojari during the marriage ceremony. Just like knowing english does not ensure full understanding of what you have agreed upon while signing up your home loan papers. You just have to do it blindly. And trust your lucky stars!

12 Comments:

  1. shark said...
    rotfl!!! I am just not able to control myself. People are giving me weird stares in my office... me laughing like hell!

    Wish you a very happy married life!
    Soumia said...
    Very funny vasuki. You still have retained the humor after all the humdrum.;)
    Sunil said...
    Great blog! Just ran into this one from a Bangalore based blog.

    Good luck on your marriage...
    vEENs said...
    good one! :D

    very funny indeed :))

    u dint promise anything to the priest... think of what all he made u promise the wife :D
    Pri said...
    okk...those southindian marriage customs sound interesting :D
    congratulations on tying the knot!!
    Vasuki said...
    I've been following your blog for quite sometime now. There is something in your blogs (humour, maybe!) that makes me come back again and again

    Good blogging and now that you're married, happy married life!

    Btw, if its still not obvious, my name is Vasuki too.

    Cheers!
    Anonymous said...
    Ahem Ahem... Just a small correction... All those promises were made to your wife and not he poojari ;) He poor guy was only prompting you all along :D Lovely post!

    -Diya
    Venu said...
    Good one vasu :)
    agree with every point that you made..in fact going ahead you would find more such "discrimination" :)
    Bikerdude said...
    I love the climax scene where the priest seeks blessings from the elders by saying: "yada yada.. mahantho anugrandhanthu?..."

    All the elders are supposed to go "Thathasthu" at this point.

    Except in most cases the elders are so spaced out that the priest himself will say it and go on to the next blessing:
    "Thathaasthuyada yada.. mahantho anugrandhanthu? Thathashtuyada yada.."
    Flatfooter said...
    Couldn't agree more!
    Bit Hawk said...
    @shark, pri, vasuki, flatfooter
    Thanks for the wishes!

    @soumia
    When you are on the verge of collapsing on stage due to dehydration, humor can really help! :)

    @sunil
    Do drop in in future too. Thanks for commenting.

    @veens, Diya
    The priest misled me to believe that I was promising him. It does not matter anyways, I would have promised anything with glee.

    @venu
    Thanks for the warning ;)

    @bikerdude
    I think you should do a full fledged post on poojaris. I am sure you will have many interesting stories :)
    Prabhu M said...
    You have a really good understanding of marriage ........

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