Devil's Dictionary

Running out of original ideas is not the only reason why I am writing this article. ;)

I happened to stumble upon Devil's Dictionary last week. It is a satirical book by Ambrose Bierce , having funny interpretations of English words. There are very few things that have made me laugh whole-hearted and this was definitely one among them.

Here are a few definitions that I loved very much.
Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Absurdity: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.
Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
Brain: An apparatus with which we think we think.
Congratulation: The civility of envy.
Conservative: A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with new ones.
Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.
Cynic: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
Egotist: A person of low taste-more interested in himself than in me.
Genealogy: An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.
Happiness: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.
Learning:
The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Marriage: The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
Neighbor: One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves, and who does all he knows how to make us disobedient.
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
Opportunity: A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
Optimist: A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
Pray: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Quotation: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
Religion: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
Selfish: Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.
Telephone: An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

1 Comment:

  1. micromysore said...
    Good defs lo

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