We often hear people talking very lightly of Indian cinema. I am myself guilty of this crime many a times. Agreed, we have never made a great biography (we needed a Richard Attenborough to make Gandhi) We have not made a decent "road movie". The nearest we have gone to make an animation movie was the irritating parrot in "Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon" (other than Esha Deol making weird faces at the camera, of course!). Our war movies are always jingoistic, highly cliched boring sagas (Somebody try a "Thin Red Line" or an "Apocalypse Now" please!)
Apart from the shameless Hollywood rip-offs and NRI romances, we have not actually fared that bad. We were the pioneers in a great many things (for which we rarely get credit) and some of them are so original that nobody has dared to copy. Here is an attempt to honor them.
Or how about this? Hugh Grant is holding Andie MacDowell's hand in his left hand and the camera is focused on the diamond ring he is holding in his right hand. Bang! A dozen cops rush in and yell at the top of their voices - "LAPD. Mister, we have proof that you are a criminal. Don't you move. Put the ring down. On your knees" The priest tells "You may kiss the bride now". Cop - "Father, anything you say can and will be hold against you in the court of law". No, never! And that's when I miss Indian movies so much.
Doctor - "Santosh, neevu appa aagthideera. Congrats!"
Santosh (completely bewildered) - "Nija na doctor?" (still surprised)
Happiness is one thing, but "you sure?" or "did I?" astonishment is something I am not able to understand, but this scene is pure cinematic magic!
I guess this is becoming a very long post, I will stop here. Can you think of any other great "contribution" of us to World Cinema?
Apart from the shameless Hollywood rip-offs and NRI romances, we have not actually fared that bad. We were the pioneers in a great many things (for which we rarely get credit) and some of them are so original that nobody has dared to copy. Here is an attempt to honor them.
- Lost n found
- Multiple roles
- Accidental deaths
- Stop Bullet
- Last moment marriage stop
Or how about this? Hugh Grant is holding Andie MacDowell's hand in his left hand and the camera is focused on the diamond ring he is holding in his right hand. Bang! A dozen cops rush in and yell at the top of their voices - "LAPD. Mister, we have proof that you are a criminal. Don't you move. Put the ring down. On your knees" The priest tells "You may kiss the bride now". Cop - "Father, anything you say can and will be hold against you in the court of law". No, never! And that's when I miss Indian movies so much.
- Talking to God
- Doctor breaking news
Doctor - "Santosh, neevu appa aagthideera. Congrats!"
Santosh (completely bewildered) - "Nija na doctor?" (still surprised)
Happiness is one thing, but "you sure?" or "did I?" astonishment is something I am not able to understand, but this scene is pure cinematic magic!
- Thunder n Lightening
I guess this is becoming a very long post, I will stop here. Can you think of any other great "contribution" of us to World Cinema?
Comments
The super talented dog/monkey which does antics and in the end save the situation!!!(sometimes after looking at God's photo it will go and hand over the letter to the wrong person)
Gajar-ka-halwa: When heroines are not hugging heroes during thunder storms..they are making gajar ka halwa.Even if the heroine doesn't..the mother definitely is an expert in making gazar ka halwa.
The heroine/hero's sister who strut around in mini skirts...are always seen in a saree during a sentimental scene.
The hero isn't a trained fighter...but can still fight armed goondas.
Even if its a dream sequence and the heroine is a delhi kudi..she knows the by lanes of England/Switzerland/New Zealand so well..as to imagine everything in minute detail.
Hilarious post!
Bullet one is a gem.
Not at all to be insensitive, but hero's sister is a potential rape candidate unless otherwise proved.Which is only the end of the movie.
Also, I remember this line which how much ever I try to get off my head, it simply doesnt go away.
Agar ek bhi kadam aaage badaaaya tho choor choor kardoonga. The power of the metaphors.
* Songs, and breathtaking steps. Imagine your Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell shaking vigorously to AR Rehman's beats :)
Btw, hilarious post!
"Agar ghar se bahar kadam raki tho mera mara huva mooh dekhegi".dead face! no big deal
And the most amazing ham scene …. “One of the bad guys is shot and hero preaches him to do some good work to reserve a seat in haven and tell him to whom did he work and who sent him. The guy who is amazingly alive till all the preaching is over and is even able to repeats ‘uska naam hain… uska naam hain…” atleast 4 times but never able spill the name. It always happens in Indian movies. :)
Jokes apart, Indian movies have a reach in the far remote regions than Hollywood. People say they like Indian movies because of family values. Indian movies have mastered the art of depicting falling in love, blushing and heart broken. I haven’t seen any other foreign movie show this. I have met people from China, Indonesia, Malaysia, some remote regions of Africa they all have liked Indian movies more than Hollywood movies.
- Cavin21 ;)
Yes, super intelligent animals are the most irritating, next only to Baby Shyamilee! I deliberately left out Gajar Ka Halwa, as it is Bollywood specific and I cannot think of any standard menus in religional movies!
@sunil
Some lunch time conversation triggered this topic.
How could I forget the sister? Yes, whenever she is not a potential rape candidate, she is the innocently-lost-"it" to the villain's son, oblivious of his evil ways! :D
@Anil P
Had not heard of "Trikal", will check it out anyways.
@chaitra
Good that you loved the post!
@soumia
I am thinking of compiling all the common dialogues, you can expect that post in future :)
@Cavin21
I sometimes think about how I would have felt about Indian movies if I was a non-Indian. May be then, HAHK would have seemed such a new and enjoyable experience. Thank God, I am an Indian! ;)
@prax
I wish some movie producer shows the same faith in me! :(
There is the heroine, who sports gucci bags and designer clothes even when she finds it difficult to make two ends meet. Even an impoverished female finds the money to spend on makeup.
And is it only in Indian cinema that forty and fifty-year old men play the roles of college-going youth?
Good post!
-Priya
No other villains can be as colorful as in Indian cinema. Imagine a Hannibal Lecter or a Norman Bates in those dens and revolving chairs, amidst maniacally dancing vamps!
@parijata
India still having a substantial amount of illiteracy - makes complete sense in having forty pluses in colleges!
@Priya
Great one! I had almost missed the poison theme. I wonder if poisons past their expiry dates work ;)
what about the omnipresent boot which turns up whenever the hero goes to fish. and the herione giggles immediately!
How about these?
- hero/heroin always "sacrifice" their love becasue one of their parents falls ill at the exact moment?
- The birds stop flying... the sea waves stop midway... the sunsets' actually "paused".. when something bad happens ;-)
I truly loved the "family song" thingy :D
You have made "Karan Johar" as the verb? Is it something like joharize about it? ;)
@anonymous
Yeah, there were times when a hero hugging and kissing his friend would not make the heroine jealous, but now things have changed ;)
@shark
Great ones! Loved the "pause" effects of those days :)
Hero will be back to take his revenge and get her mother, who is waiting for him.....lolz